Even as I've forced myself to learn to be creative on command at work, I've somehow failed to learn the same thing in my personal creative life. Part of this, at least, is a "path of least resistance" problem. It's much easier for me to lapse into the consumption of creative work (e.g. playing a video game or reading a book) than to create. I value those activities, as I love to have my imagination and emotions fired by the creative works of others, but we can't allow something good to rob us of something great.
Another problem may be that I seem to be slightly defiant most of the time, even to myself. As soon as a yoke of any kind is placed on my shoulders (even a self-imposed one!), I immediately want to do something else. This has been a recurring problem throughout my life. I can't fully explain its genesis, either. I especially don't understand why I resist even my own projects and goals. It's really self-destructive and I have no explanation.
Finally, something of Søren Kierkegaard's "despair of the infinite" rings in my ears. I sit down, knowing that I can do anything I want, and end up doing nothing. Sometimes, I don't even do anything else (like watch TV or play a game). I just sit there, overcome with the infinite possibilities, and end up doing nothing. It's really silly.
Anyway, I'm really just complaining to all of you. Any tips or suggestions?
